it overwhelms me.. but it moves me
Friday, April 16, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
A decision I'll never regret.
You might not ever know me.
But I want you to know, you will always be someone who will stay dear to my heart.
When I think of you, a wave of love for you washes over me that is nearly unbearable.
Your life was worth it.
May God bless you and reveal himself to you as you grow up living in a world where you will probably know many hardships, and probably already do.
I know she'll think you were worth it one day, if she doesn't already.
My prayers will always be familiar with you.
I will never forget you.
But I want you to know, you will always be someone who will stay dear to my heart.
When I think of you, a wave of love for you washes over me that is nearly unbearable.
Your life was worth it.
May God bless you and reveal himself to you as you grow up living in a world where you will probably know many hardships, and probably already do.
I know she'll think you were worth it one day, if she doesn't already.
My prayers will always be familiar with you.
I will never forget you.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Scarlett O'Hara
I watched Gone With the Wind tonight with my mom and sister.
As annoying as it is to watch Ms Scarlett throw herself at any unattainable and secretly unwanted pleasure, all the while withholding herself from her heart's true desire in her own possession until it is too late, it is even more annoying to think how often we must do the same thing. God placing blessing after opportunity after calling after purpose, and we continue to chase after mere wind.
Dear Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler. (Though I'm not really writing this to you at all.)
You wouldn't know happiness if it was looking you in the face. Begging at your heels even. Or in the palm of your hand. God's given you so much. Take it! Hold on to it and make the most of it. God doesn't receive any glory when you wallow in what isn't to be. And it isn't to be. He's made that obvious. So what is? What is? Figure that out. Determine yourself for those plans. His plans. But stay clear of what isn't. Stay clear of what isn't.
Of course. Dear Melanie Wilkes says it much better in the movie. In less words. And more love in action. What a character to adore if I ever saw one. The Lord's patience can be more than puzzling.
As annoying as it is to watch Ms Scarlett throw herself at any unattainable and secretly unwanted pleasure, all the while withholding herself from her heart's true desire in her own possession until it is too late, it is even more annoying to think how often we must do the same thing. God placing blessing after opportunity after calling after purpose, and we continue to chase after mere wind.
Dear Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler. (Though I'm not really writing this to you at all.)
You wouldn't know happiness if it was looking you in the face. Begging at your heels even. Or in the palm of your hand. God's given you so much. Take it! Hold on to it and make the most of it. God doesn't receive any glory when you wallow in what isn't to be. And it isn't to be. He's made that obvious. So what is? What is? Figure that out. Determine yourself for those plans. His plans. But stay clear of what isn't. Stay clear of what isn't.
Of course. Dear Melanie Wilkes says it much better in the movie. In less words. And more love in action. What a character to adore if I ever saw one. The Lord's patience can be more than puzzling.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Impersonal Charts.
protection.
protect.
to defend or guard from attack, invasion, loss, annoyance, insult, etc.; cover or shield from injury or danger.
synonyms: security, refuge, safety.
withdrawal.
withdraw.
to draw back, away or aside; take back, remove, retract, retire, retreat; to remove oneself from some activity, competition.
synonyms: disengage, quit, leave, shrink, give up.
"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge the more grief."
And you know. Love protects.
But it also trusts. And it perseveres.
Would you be so willing? ..Would I?
protect.
to defend or guard from attack, invasion, loss, annoyance, insult, etc.; cover or shield from injury or danger.
synonyms: security, refuge, safety.
withdrawal.
withdraw.
to draw back, away or aside; take back, remove, retract, retire, retreat; to remove oneself from some activity, competition.
synonyms: disengage, quit, leave, shrink, give up.
"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge the more grief."
And you know. Love protects.
But it also trusts. And it perseveres.
Would you be so willing? ..Would I?
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Rethinking Opportunities.
If you are around kids...ever...or will be around kids...or would like to reflect on times you were with kids...or a time when you were a child...or if you were a child...or if you like kids...read this.
In a chapter called, "Working with Perception"
on building kid's perceptions of personal capabilities and personal significance.
Because Steve traveled a great deal, he went out of his way to find opportunities for his son, Michael, to do things with him when he was home. Steve's goal was to help Michael perceive himself as significant and as contributing meaningfully to what they did together. One of Steve's strategies was to ask for Michael's assistance in fixing a tractor. The tie rod had broken and required welding. Steve outfitted Michael with some leather gloves and a welding mask so he could hold the parts in alignment while Steve did the welding.
After Steve finished the welding and began to put the tools away, Michael said, "Thanks, Dad, for letting me help you fix the tractor."
Steve reflected on his statement. It was obvious that he had appreciated the opportunity, but a perceptive listener would have realized that Steve had not achieved his goal. Michael did not come to believe he had done something important for his dad; rather, he expressed his belief that his dad had done something important for him. To help him understand the importance of his role, Steve knew he needed to check out Michael's perception of the experience and then help him reevaluate.
Steve's first step was to reflect back what he had heard: "Michael, I appreciate your thanks for letting you help me fix the tractor, but what you said tells me you may not have understood that I couldn't have done it without you."
His immediate response was "Sure you could, Dad. You can do anything."
Steve had forgotten what it means to be six years old and to look at your father, who solves all the problems and fixes everything. From his point of view Steve was a potent as Superman. "Son," Steve said, "I appreciate your confidence in me, but there are some things that I just couldn't do without your help, and this was one of them."
He asked, "What do you mean, Dad?" Now he was more interested.
Steve reflected the question back: "Why do you believe I could have fixed the tractor without you?" Steve suspected the question was probably too advanced for him at age six, but how could he know what Michael was ready for if he didn't check periodically?
Steve's suspicions were correct. He had started a little high by asking Michael to analyze the situation and tell his dad what he thought. He was not defensive but expressed genuine confusion in his answer: "I don't know."
Steve followed with an easier, describe-type question.
Small children can often describe, but not interpret, and adults can then usually build an interpretation out of a description. So Steve's next question was "Well, what was it you had to do?"
He understood that question. "I had to hold the tie rod together."
Steve said, "And what was it I had to do?"
Michael said, "You had to do the welding."
Steve asked, "How many hands did it take to keep the tie rod lined up?"
He said, "Two."
"And how many hands did it take to do the welding?"
"Two."
"Well, if it takes two hands to hold the tie rod, and two hands to weld it, how many hands does it take to fix the tractor?"
Michale said, "Does math have something to do with this?"
Up until that moment, Michael believed that math was something grownups used for persecuting small children. But suddenly math had become exciting since it had something to do with fixing a tractor. Steve remained silent, waiting for him to use the perception.
Suddenly he said, "It takes four."
"Well, if it takes four hands to do the job, how many do you have?"
He said, "Two."
"How many do I have?"
"Two."
Steve said, "Could either of us have done this job alone?"
Michael said, "No way, Dad."
He was excited now and asked, "Why does the tractor keep breaking in the first place?"
Steve said, "Well, son, when I'm out doing the bush hogging and I'm driving along watching where the bush hog is going, I don't always see stumps in the grass. When the tractor hits them, sometimes they break the tie rod."
He said, "Dad, you know how it takes four hands to fix the tractor? Doesn't it take four eyes to drive it, too?"
Steve was overwhelmed with his insight. He thought for a moment and then said, "You're right, Michael."
He went on. "Well, I bet I could help you keep from breaking it just like I helped you fix it. But not if I had to sit back where you sit. I wouldn't be able to see the stumps, either."
Steve asked, "What would we have to do so you could help me?"
He said, "We would have to build a seat and put it up here on the front so I could watch for the stumps."
So they built a seat, put a little seat belt on it, and fastened it to the front of the tractor. Then as they drove along, Michael would yell, "Stump!" and Steve would go around it. In two years they haven't broken the tractor once.
When people visited the ranch, Michael would tell them very quickly, "Dad used to break the tractor all the time until I took responsibility for the stumps."
After that, Steve seldom returned home without Michael handing him a list of things that need fixing on the ranch, tasks that take two people. What he learned from the tractor experience is that "When a job takes two, I am sometimes equal to my father, and that makes me very significant."
From the book: Raising Self-Relient Children in a Self-Indulgent World by Glenn & Nelson.
In a chapter called, "Working with Perception"
on building kid's perceptions of personal capabilities and personal significance.
Because Steve traveled a great deal, he went out of his way to find opportunities for his son, Michael, to do things with him when he was home. Steve's goal was to help Michael perceive himself as significant and as contributing meaningfully to what they did together. One of Steve's strategies was to ask for Michael's assistance in fixing a tractor. The tie rod had broken and required welding. Steve outfitted Michael with some leather gloves and a welding mask so he could hold the parts in alignment while Steve did the welding.
After Steve finished the welding and began to put the tools away, Michael said, "Thanks, Dad, for letting me help you fix the tractor."
Steve reflected on his statement. It was obvious that he had appreciated the opportunity, but a perceptive listener would have realized that Steve had not achieved his goal. Michael did not come to believe he had done something important for his dad; rather, he expressed his belief that his dad had done something important for him. To help him understand the importance of his role, Steve knew he needed to check out Michael's perception of the experience and then help him reevaluate.
Steve's first step was to reflect back what he had heard: "Michael, I appreciate your thanks for letting you help me fix the tractor, but what you said tells me you may not have understood that I couldn't have done it without you."
His immediate response was "Sure you could, Dad. You can do anything."
Steve had forgotten what it means to be six years old and to look at your father, who solves all the problems and fixes everything. From his point of view Steve was a potent as Superman. "Son," Steve said, "I appreciate your confidence in me, but there are some things that I just couldn't do without your help, and this was one of them."
He asked, "What do you mean, Dad?" Now he was more interested.
Steve reflected the question back: "Why do you believe I could have fixed the tractor without you?" Steve suspected the question was probably too advanced for him at age six, but how could he know what Michael was ready for if he didn't check periodically?
Steve's suspicions were correct. He had started a little high by asking Michael to analyze the situation and tell his dad what he thought. He was not defensive but expressed genuine confusion in his answer: "I don't know."
Steve followed with an easier, describe-type question.
Small children can often describe, but not interpret, and adults can then usually build an interpretation out of a description. So Steve's next question was "Well, what was it you had to do?"
He understood that question. "I had to hold the tie rod together."
Steve said, "And what was it I had to do?"
Michael said, "You had to do the welding."
Steve asked, "How many hands did it take to keep the tie rod lined up?"
He said, "Two."
"And how many hands did it take to do the welding?"
"Two."
"Well, if it takes two hands to hold the tie rod, and two hands to weld it, how many hands does it take to fix the tractor?"
Michale said, "Does math have something to do with this?"
Up until that moment, Michael believed that math was something grownups used for persecuting small children. But suddenly math had become exciting since it had something to do with fixing a tractor. Steve remained silent, waiting for him to use the perception.
Suddenly he said, "It takes four."
"Well, if it takes four hands to do the job, how many do you have?"
He said, "Two."
"How many do I have?"
"Two."
Steve said, "Could either of us have done this job alone?"
Michael said, "No way, Dad."
He was excited now and asked, "Why does the tractor keep breaking in the first place?"
Steve said, "Well, son, when I'm out doing the bush hogging and I'm driving along watching where the bush hog is going, I don't always see stumps in the grass. When the tractor hits them, sometimes they break the tie rod."
He said, "Dad, you know how it takes four hands to fix the tractor? Doesn't it take four eyes to drive it, too?"
Steve was overwhelmed with his insight. He thought for a moment and then said, "You're right, Michael."
He went on. "Well, I bet I could help you keep from breaking it just like I helped you fix it. But not if I had to sit back where you sit. I wouldn't be able to see the stumps, either."
Steve asked, "What would we have to do so you could help me?"
He said, "We would have to build a seat and put it up here on the front so I could watch for the stumps."
So they built a seat, put a little seat belt on it, and fastened it to the front of the tractor. Then as they drove along, Michael would yell, "Stump!" and Steve would go around it. In two years they haven't broken the tractor once.
When people visited the ranch, Michael would tell them very quickly, "Dad used to break the tractor all the time until I took responsibility for the stumps."
After that, Steve seldom returned home without Michael handing him a list of things that need fixing on the ranch, tasks that take two people. What he learned from the tractor experience is that "When a job takes two, I am sometimes equal to my father, and that makes me very significant."
From the book: Raising Self-Relient Children in a Self-Indulgent World by Glenn & Nelson.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Hymn - Brooke Fraser
If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would You find and firm and gather
'Til I only dwell in Thee
If I flee from greenest pastures
Would You leave to look for me
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee
If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision
'Til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee
If I sail to farthest seas
Would You find and firm and gather
'Til I only dwell in Thee
If I flee from greenest pastures
Would You leave to look for me
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee
If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision
'Til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Sought After
I am a head counselor for an after school program called A-teens. It's for girls only, grades 6-8. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, me and one to two other counselors travel out to 3 different schools, one for each day.
When we get there we always have snack time..never skip out on snack time.
We play games like twister, hide-and-go-seek, mafia, and skit productions.
We do crafts like painting, drawing, jewelry making, wrapping present boxes for costumes. :) yes.
We also do what we call "circle time". Basically, you go around the circle and rate your day on a scale from 1-10 and then get to answer the random question for the day.
More often than not, those four things go over easy enough...but there's one more activity we do that, well, is not always the easiest to get through.
We have curriculum that we go over with them...basically information about girl stuff that gives us a chance to share and them a chance to answer questions. It's pretty much a hit or miss thing.
But no matter if they like it or not, we can never hold all their attention the full duration and that full duration is usually only about 5-10 minutes max.
And now after all that explaining..what I actually wanted to write about...
Today. We talked to 11 junior high girls for a completely undisturbed 45 minutes.
Let that sink in for a minute.
Forty. Five.
My chest swells thinking about it. Why? Because the topics today: periods (sorry boys) and the one that was really doing all the captivating, sex.
Satan..pisses me off. I'll just say it.
Those girls are so innocent. and so beautiful. and so so incredibly young.
And I remember being there.
So much curiosity and fear and misunderstood expectations..
I feel great about that time spent talking about those things together. Awestruck and definitely humbled. But I can't help but know all too well Satan's schemes in store for them. I can't help but know that talk as we may, all we can really do is pray. For their protection and for guarded hearts. Because wherever their curiosity takes them, God will be there. And He'll be waiting to bring them back to their true identity.
God risks so much by giving us freedom..
He loves us so much..
Hosea's story paints the picture perfectly..
(from chapters 8-11)
Israel cries out to me,
'O our God, we acknowledge you!'
But Israel has rejected what is good;
an enemy will pursue him.
Israel is swallowed up;
now she is among the nations
like a worthless thing.
For they have gone up to Assyria
like a wild donkey wandering alone.
Ephraim has sold herself to lovers.
Do not rejoice, O Israel;
do not be jubilant like the other nations.
For you have been unfaithful to your God;
you love the wages of a prostitute
at every threshing floor.
Their heart is deceitful,
and now they must bear their guilt.
The LORD will demolish their altars
and destroy their sacred stones.
"When Israel was a child, I loved him,
and out of Egypt I called my son.
"But the more I called Israel,
the further they went from me.
"My people are determined to turn from me.
"How can I give you up, Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, Israel?
How can I treat you like Admah?
How can I make you like Zeboiim?
My heart is changed within me;
all my compassion is aroused.
"I will not carry out my fierce anger,
nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim.
For I am God, and not man—
the Holy One among you.
I will not come in wrath.c]">
"They will follow the LORD;
he will roar like a lion.
When he roars,
his children will come trembling from the west.
"They will come trembling
like birds from Egypt,
like doves from Assyria.
I will settle them in their homes,"
declares the LORD.
The enemy may pursue, but there is One far greater that will never forsake you
"...and you will be called Sought After..." Isaiah 62:12
When we get there we always have snack time..never skip out on snack time.
We play games like twister, hide-and-go-seek, mafia, and skit productions.
We do crafts like painting, drawing, jewelry making, wrapping present boxes for costumes. :) yes.
We also do what we call "circle time". Basically, you go around the circle and rate your day on a scale from 1-10 and then get to answer the random question for the day.
More often than not, those four things go over easy enough...but there's one more activity we do that, well, is not always the easiest to get through.
We have curriculum that we go over with them...basically information about girl stuff that gives us a chance to share and them a chance to answer questions. It's pretty much a hit or miss thing.
But no matter if they like it or not, we can never hold all their attention the full duration and that full duration is usually only about 5-10 minutes max.
And now after all that explaining..what I actually wanted to write about...
Today. We talked to 11 junior high girls for a completely undisturbed 45 minutes.
Let that sink in for a minute.
Forty. Five.
My chest swells thinking about it. Why? Because the topics today: periods (sorry boys) and the one that was really doing all the captivating, sex.
Satan..pisses me off. I'll just say it.
Those girls are so innocent. and so beautiful. and so so incredibly young.
And I remember being there.
So much curiosity and fear and misunderstood expectations..
I feel great about that time spent talking about those things together. Awestruck and definitely humbled. But I can't help but know all too well Satan's schemes in store for them. I can't help but know that talk as we may, all we can really do is pray. For their protection and for guarded hearts. Because wherever their curiosity takes them, God will be there. And He'll be waiting to bring them back to their true identity.
God risks so much by giving us freedom..
He loves us so much..
Hosea's story paints the picture perfectly..
(from chapters 8-11)
Israel cries out to me,
'O our God, we acknowledge you!'
But Israel has rejected what is good;
an enemy will pursue him.
Israel is swallowed up;
now she is among the nations
like a worthless thing.
For they have gone up to Assyria
like a wild donkey wandering alone.
Ephraim has sold herself to lovers.
Do not rejoice, O Israel;
do not be jubilant like the other nations.
For you have been unfaithful to your God;
you love the wages of a prostitute
at every threshing floor.
Their heart is deceitful,
and now they must bear their guilt.
The LORD will demolish their altars
and destroy their sacred stones.
"When Israel was a child, I loved him,
and out of Egypt I called my son.
"But the more I called Israel,
the further they went from me.
"My people are determined to turn from me.
"How can I give you up, Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, Israel?
How can I treat you like Admah?
How can I make you like Zeboiim?
My heart is changed within me;
all my compassion is aroused.
"I will not carry out my fierce anger,
nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim.
For I am God, and not man—
the Holy One among you.
I will not come in wrath.c]">
"They will follow the LORD;
he will roar like a lion.
When he roars,
his children will come trembling from the west.
"They will come trembling
like birds from Egypt,
like doves from Assyria.
I will settle them in their homes,"
declares the LORD.
The enemy may pursue, but there is One far greater that will never forsake you
"...and you will be called Sought After..." Isaiah 62:12
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